Being a parent is a challenging task. When people decide to become parents, life is no longer about their own personal wants and needs, but the wants and needs of their children. For any person, parenting is difficult and trying, but for same-sex couples the task becomes more daunting due to the misconceptions attributed to them.
Sexual Orientation and
Gender Identity
Critics have argued that same-sex parenting
creates gender and identity issues for children, but those same issues can also
arise in children raised by heterosexual parents. According to a Technical Report by the American Academy of Pediatrics, when it comes to gender, children who were raised by lesbian moms identify with their biologic sex.
Jim Green, M.Div., a psychotherapist who specializes in sexual orientation and gender issues, said that in the 25 years he has practiced his profession he has not met a child of a same-sex parent that is confused about their sexual orientation of gender identity.
“Never gender identity, that’s much rarer. For young people ages 12-16, sometimes not always, but sometimes a gay parent comes out to them and they will question if my parent is gay, then does that mean I’m gay,” Green said. "Most of the time, because like 90% of people are straight, most of these kids are straight and as they get more clear about that then their self-confident about it."
Sexual orientation and gender issues can develop in any child, therefore assuming that those issues are found more in the children of same-sex parents is not necessarily true.
Adjustment, Emotional and Social Development
Other critics believe that children raised in same-sex households are not adjusted as well and do not develop the proper emotional and social responses compared to those children raised by heterosexuals.
In an article written by Petula Dvorak, gay fathers Kelly Vielmo and Jack Montgomery successfully adopt three children- Cardel, 6, Raine, 3 and Ravyn, 2. Dvorak highlights that the children had developmental issues that originated in their biological home, however once they became a family those issues were resolved.
The Technical Report by the American Academy of Pediatrics supports these claims. In the report, it states that in comparison to heterosexual fathers, gay dads follow more rigid disciplinary rules, emphasize guidance and improve cognitive skills in their children.
The report done by the American Academy of Pediatrics also seems to coincide with the Gender-Role Theory presented in the Handbook of Family Theories. Kendrick Rith and Lisa Diamond explain that same-sex relationships are equally beneficial to heterosexual ones because of the similarities couples have regarding gender.
The United States National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study (NLLFS) shadowed kids of 154 lesbians for more than 25 years. The results showed that those children behaved better and performed better in school than their peers with heterosexual parents. Evidence shows that the kids of same-sex couples are not in danger of being anymore messed up than anybody else’s.
If there is adjustment and developmental issues in children of same-sex couples, society could be a possible culprit because of how judgmental it can be. Children can become confused based on what they hear others say or do and may begin to question the events taking place in their own lives.
The Families: Same-sex couples successfully raising children
Kelly Vielmo and Jack Montgomery, two gay dads, are proving that same-sex couples can start a family and do so effectively. Their children, Cardel, Raine, and Ravyn, adapted well to their new home, although the process of getting them there was extensive and was handled delicately.
After several examinations by trained professionals, it was clear the children would do well with Kelly and Jack. Social worker Kathleen Ambroso, who was in charge of their case, said the bond was strong between the kids and the couple. “They were a fantastic family from the beginning, very quick to advocate for their children,” she said. “And that was it. They saw them as their children right from the start.”
It is hard for same-sex couples to become parents. For Vielmo and Montgomery, it was a long process, but it shows the dedication they have for being good fathers.
People focus on same-sex parents because they assume something is strangely different about them, compared to heterosexual couples. But what is it that we are looking for?
The most important thing to remember is that it is not about what will happen to children when raised by same-sex parents, but what will happen to children if they do not have parents who want to give them everything they want and need, like love, attention, compassion and opportunity.
